Category Archives: Festival
How do use a memory box with bereaved children and young people
A memory box is a simple container which holds important objects that remind you of the person that has died.
When someone dies, we all worry that we will lose our memories of our loved one- it’s no different for a child by gathering and saving special memories, in a memory box, a child can go back to the box and reconnect to those memories, happy and sad when they are ready. It changes over time- what might make them happy one day, may make them sad another.
With siblings and the loss of their sister or brother, each child can make and decorate their special box. Ask the children if they would like to make a memory box and show them what you are talking about, use stickers, glue paper, along with other meaningful bits and pieces to give them an idea of how to decorate their box and any kind of things to put in. Let them decided if they each want to make a box and allow time to put their boxes together over a period of weeks. Items include toys wrappers of tier sibling’s favourite sweets, photos. This can be done on behalf of a child too.
The idea is that young people can put in pictures or items that their loved one had or cherished. For example, dad’s watch in or mum’s jewellery, as well as pictures or photos. Some children or young people have put things from the funeral or things after someone has died into their memory box.
A memory box is really useful to be able to store items that remind children and young people of special days or the person that has died. So, if there is a birthday card or anniversary and they want to keep that, they can keep it in their memory box to look back on.
But how can parents, carers and professionals use a memory box with children and young people? Here’s a step by step guide about how to use a memory box:
Step One: Source your box
Step one is, of course, to source your memory box. You can, of course, get any old box and decorate as you wish. An old shoe box works well as it has a closeable lid and can be kept under the bed. Some buy/source a lovely, purpose-built memory box. What is contained in the box is far more important than how the objects are stored.
Step Two: Fill your memory box
Fill your memory box with items that remind you of them, and times you spent together. It could be their watch or tie, maybe a scarf or their purse. You could include photographs and letters, or what about the lipstick they wore, a postcard from a holiday you went on together or a favourite CD they always listened to. How about their passport or a pair of glasses they wore? Then, when you want to remember…you can simply look through the wonderful collection of memories in the box!
Try not to simply fill your memory box with random bits and bobs… instead, make sure that each object has a story or memory attached to it.
Step Three: Write a note
Some people like to write a note for each item they put in their memory box, outlining why that item is important to them. This can be a really useful thing to do when you look back and reflect on what is in your memory box in years to come. You may have forgotten why a specific picture is important, but your note will be a nice reminder for you.
Step Four: Share your memories
Step four is completely optional – some people like to keep their memories private – but if you’d like to show family and friends your memory box, then that is okay too.
If you do feel like you want to share your memory box with family and friends, it can be really nice to share each other’s memories and talk about how those memories make you feel.
Resource Winston’s Wish & Rainbow’s Trust
Other ideas:
• Items of clothes
• Diary/Journal
• Notes/cards from them to you, or vice versa
• Awards they have received, newspaper mentions(things they were proud of
• Their order of Service /funeral sheet
• Lock of hair
Earth Earth Awakening – Death Awareness Space
I was delighted to be invited to complete the Death Awareness team held by Celia Libera and Mike Grenville at the Green Earth Awakening (GEA) festival which is an Autumn event, from Wednesday 12th to Sunday 16th September 2018, this event is affiliated with the Buddhafield Festival. A description of the GEA is as follows: ‘The Green Earth awakening is an intimate, late summer gathering to explore engaged Buddhism, community living, land skills and creative responses to forging social resilience. To bring together Buddhists, activists and anyone drawn to exploring the skills required to reach our collective potential. An Off-grid, drug and alcohol-free, temporary community where creativity can weave and connections can deepen. Expect the opportunity to network and collaborate through discourse, movement, music, play and fireside story and song.’
Tipi
‘The Buddhafield theme for 2018 is Dance of Life and Death, (which followed through to the GEA): Death can bring deep sorrow and grief. As the Buddha showed, all human lives are touched by loss. The paradox of the dance of life is that it is also the dance of death. Life is so precious because we have such limited time on this earth. How do we honour our grief and sorrow, whilst allowing it to permeate our lives in a positive way, encouraging us to transform ourselves? Buddhafield and GEA celebrated relationships, coming into a community, turning towards death and celebrating the joy of life, together, supported by our beautiful earth’.
I arrived Thursday evening arriving just in time to co-hold the Death cafe with Celia in our beautiful tipi tent, this was a full tent and one of the main themes that arose was suicide, and someone dealing with a terminal prognosis. It was powerful to share, and bear witness to peoples experiences and thoughts.
Friday morning Celia and I held a session Exploring Mortality and making plans to make choices around our death. And in the late morning, I offered a Gentle touch session, which became a lovely pampering session with emphasis on touch and consent as a giver and receiver and being clear about our own boundaries.
In the afternoon, I attended a grief tending ritual which was beautifully held by Sophy and her team, this was my second experience of this, my first one being at Buddahfield this year. These teachings come from Sobonfu Somé, who has brought to the West teachings from the ancient wisdom, ritual and practices of her Dagara ancestors. Largely offering community grief, so often we grieve alone or not at all, however, when we grieve together, not only does it help the individual to heal, it also helps strengthen the entire community fabric. Which I what I felt again. This yet again was a powerful ritual of feeling supported and supporting people in our temporary village namely this festival. I recommend attending such a ritual if you get the opportunity The song that was sung by us during this ritual and the same as the previous grief tending has now stayed with me.
Saturday morning Mike offered a workshop called when someone dies – exploring practical and spiritual options at and after death and Celia led 5 discussions to have with the dying who are living.
In the afternoon we all offered Blessing the body – ritual of washing, blessing and anointing as we say goodbye to our loved one. Celia made a splendid corpse model as we offer a demonstration. Late evening we held a companion voices session- whereby we learnt a simple song (lullabies in essence)and each takes it, in turn, to lie down and be sung too. It feels like a beautiful healing sound/voice bath.
Sunday we completed with Dying to talk session and a Sound Bath, the sound Bath was popular and unfortunately, we had to turn people away as the tipi was full. I totally enjoyed the festival, a small 500 people capacity and out in nature, the weather was good for this time of year. We offered varied workshops around death and dying and it was lovely to be offering this space at this festival and working alongside an awesome team.